Let's shrug off minor incidents

Apparently, nothing really works anymore - I don't.
It's vaguely 20 days before my first graduation exam ( maths, oh bring on the shit! ) and i haven't studied a single damn thing for it. Or so it feels.
Wasn't it me who was whining about stupid exams and papers and dead lines and extra work and presentations for the last two years? I think it was. I think that was me, being a complete ass about having to write tests and pass things and do stuff.
Now, anyway, woosh - two years later and close to graduation I feel like a fucking joke. I don't know how or when that happend but it seems every single person around me is prepared just a little better. Oh fuck it, they're prepared sixty times better.
Everybody is so prepared they're having that shiny, self-confident glow around themselves - It shines so bright it blinded me good times and now, even if i would want, i couldn't study a damn thing!
And if they don't then their fake cryings about how they "don't have done NOTHING, really!" is so absolutely ridiculous.Their words basically pour their inner dwarf yelling "i did! i did!I'm all prepared! You ain't got nothin' on me biatch! And you KNOWS IT!"

I know, i know. Am i like them? Am i just making this up? Haven't i done absolutely enough? I haven't and i'm aware they probably didn't either and everybody is just feeling the same and seeking for some pitty and hugs.
Yet, ladies and gents i'm quite shitting myself. I'm pissing my pants and all i wanna do is call the coke-addict-ex-mate and ask him for a line.. or maybe a pound?a ton?
Just to shrug off all this bullshit going on.

I need some Willy Wonka Nerds, badly. And pineapple drinks and i so need new dr.Pepper lipsmack! I Do! It's the only thing that's gonna save me from going crazy!
Last year, when Franzi graduated ( she's a smart kid, y'know, like me! ) she was partying hard for about three months ( me dragged along! I was doing co-post-graduation-partying! And i was still studying! My life is SO hard! ) and she's been since telling me that it was the roughest thing for her to do to get back into the swing of actually learning things.
Cause apparently graduating is a badass energy sucker - not the exams themselves, don't get me wrong, we've been doing shit like that for the past 10 years, but the whole panicing thing is draining the hell out of life.

I'm aware i've got no excuse to complain, i'm well aware. But today i sat in my room after getting home from a six hours english studying day.I got home and sat down, fully clothed still , and i cried. Not because i'm sad but out of pure exhaustion.

I sat down and cried for an hour silently cause i was too exhausted to do anything other than that - and the fucking joke is that i haven't even started the real studying yet.

Scary? Much.