See you everyday

If you knew you had one week to live, what would you do, where would you go, who would you see? 
Submitted by normatheartist

I'd go to the only place I feel ultimately like myself and save, most of all. That is Camden and probably will always be. it'S weird but with all this death around me during the couple of weeks the thought of suicide has naturally ( as in "very common for my own nature" ) catched and injected my mind throughout sleepless, worried nights. It's a different kind of wanting to escape - feeling then it was when  I was 14, self-harming myself and just wanting to end it all cause that one guy wouldn't date me... or well, cause I had just been beaten up.
It's different because I am different today and it's the same cause it's still me stuck in myself. So yeah, the though of leaving this body and self and world has come to  mind lately too often to count and of course, has always been a part of my thoughts since I was about 8.

I would spend monday morning with my grandma, driving over to her house at 12 in the morning, go to the lovely fish restaurant 45 minutes outside of town where we always go to and my grand-grandma has had dinners even.We'd go visit her and my grand-grandpa's grave and my grams  husbands grave , we'd talk and joke and have cake and whip cream with it like we always do.

The rest of the week I guess I'd spend in Camden purely by myself at nights. I haven't really felt alive a lot during my life but the last time I remember feeling life flooding my veins was in january. Holly and the black guy who shared rooms with us were just heading inside again and I wanted to stay outside a little more which left me and just me in my PJ's on a little set of stone staircases with a bit of cheap beer. I had my hoodie up and Holly's hug still lingering on me and just felt good.
It smelled like life should all the time and the cold air whidened my senses to an extend I couldn't quite understand but appreciated so much in that moment. I think that was the first birthday I ever felt like celebrating my life.

So yeah, I'd go there and drink beer and just sit on those stairs night after night,  I guess.