So this whole growing up thing?
Uhm yeah, you know i considered it. Even made a list! It's a cute one on Hello Kitty paper Holly send me over a few moons ago. And really? I just don't think that's something for me, you know.
Don't get me wrong, generally i think this is a really great concept. The whole responsibility part, i've got that down. Serious! I'm like a pro in reponsibility. I get like an A for it. If there was a class for that anyway. Or like a college course. I'd totally pass!
But there's just too much connected to this whole thing i'm not so "down with".
I like my cheesy side. I really do. I like cookies. And i like my Hello Kitty writing paper ( ... and band-aids.and socks.and pj.and necklace.and sweets.. yes there's hello kitty sweets available for everybody dumb enough to buy them. ) and all the things i do which aren't reponsible.
Thing is, it seems even if i would want to grow up, even if - let's say
in a different solar system. Or a totally different dimension - i'm
talking Buffy kind of new dimensions here - even if in some weird weird
world i would want to grow up, there seem to be people who don't want
me to.
Not really, anyway. A little growing up? "So cool, dude!" , would be
their answer to that. A little more? Add a "uhm...well." and strike out
the "dude!".
Seriously growing up? Be prepared to emotional exhausting fights about
helping your grandmother out shopping and working for free in a
kindergarden.
You don't get it? Well, apparently, in some peoples twisted little minds working in a kindergarden, getting finished with your drivers license, graduating, helping your grandmother out frequently with her shopping&housework and working every saturday is, let's face it, very very un-grown up. In fact, it's the exact opposite of what a "grown up" would do.
Apparently those "grown ups" believe that taking care of your own life is not something considered very responsible. Even moreso, they raise their voices in great shame due to me not being capable of stopping to sleep, eat and experience the pleasures of life ( those include housework, going for the movies, more housework, celebrating the birthday of friends, oh!and the housework! ).
Of course this is my own failure, really. How could i not consider housework my very first responsibility? Also, why am i not munching down whatever thing it is bugging me but instead talking about it with people who care about me and love me? Because, d'oh what would my bipolar disorder without me swallowing my problems? They are really just trying to support me, i get that now.
I am so supposed to apologize, i'm just so glad i wrote this all down now. This really made me realize how wrong i am. Obviously i'm overwhelmed with work right now. With those nasty nasty things called "responsibilities". But i guess it is indeed more than obvious that i have been picking the wrong things to focus on during the past couple of weeks.
What i really should have been working on is my attitude towards my
mother. I really should be more appreciative. Maybe i should buy her
flowers everyday to greet her when she comes back from working an
8hours shift, hire some male strippers to please her others needs and
apply to some random college course alike "How do i please everybody
around me except myself, and mostly, my mother?"
It only takes so little, doesn't it.
I realize now that my focus should obviously be about my education. It should be entirely me studying every day. Oh, wait. Hmmm, i just remember this week... it must be years by now. Or was it two weeks ago? This week where i paid 200 bucks for a maths course which took up my whole entire break from school. But i guess, with me going to work before that in the mornings and spending time out with my friends afterwards it doesn't really count towards my education anymore. If only i would have known before! I would have cancelled my social life and just not go into work in the kindergarden.
Who cares about another 12 hours off the 150 i need to get the job i want after graduation? Nobody, really, right? As long as the dishes are cleaned and the floors sweeped!
cheers. really.
