to know me is to love me?

The day after I got here Brody Dalle posted about being in the studio again. Right now the broadway people are on strike and they won't come back very soon which means I won't have to meet up with that ugly ugly butt ass of a person I met in the "training school" who is living downtown Manhattan.

Just two things : "I went to a private school." and "My parents are paying that...and that one too." GOD NO.THANKS.

These people are so intelligent it hurts my bums.They are both lawyers and he's working in finances currently. She's working from home though and talking to her is like diving into a different world. It's just been four days and we've pretty much only talked about kids stuff and things but those people are smart.

When I mention Sylvia Plath they do not only know who she was, they have read, written and rehearsed essays about her plus her work. When I got down in the basement there is a pile of VHS cassettes sitting on the shelfs and they are actually being used.
Saturday night Grace sat down with her dad and they had a saturday night movie night. He was actually sitting there watching the jungle book with his daughter. On a saturday night, after working 10 hours a day plus a two hour commute during the week. And he enjoyed it. I don't know if they are aware of how much they got but if they don't how just hope they'll never ever lose it.

I don't think I have ever actually meant it when i wished somebody the best but I do wish those people the best. This is starting to sound like a good bye letter and in a way it kind of is.

I remember my dad falling asleep while I was watching tv in his unfurnitured one room appartment.And it's not even making me feel anything negative - no sadness, no negative something.

Maybe it really is just the new-ness of this whole experience and maybe i won't be able to keep this up ( I'm secretly sure I won't be able to - although, I'm trying not to think about that. This is the first time ever since I can remember I am actually living inside the here and now. ) but this feels good.

This is actually feeling good - and loads of things have in the past. But this time it doesn't feel bad to feel something good.