whoredom , my mum shouldn't read this but her english sucks so maybe she won't get it
It is entirely impossible for me to feel certain when it comes to my own personal life. As opinionated and bitchassness i might sound when it comes to sex, drugs and well, alcohol ( not rock&roll though, I still can't decide wether I like the new Brody Dalle project purely because it's well, Brody fucking Dalle or if I admit that most of it is shit that could be a Queens b-side ) . Point being: I can't make up my fucking mind!
Do i want to stay in the States? If I do, what am I gonna do? Move to Miami and move in with Chaniece, pretend i'm legal and bartend/dog-walk/babysitt the shit out of that drug hole? ( I'm pretty sure I will end up as a homeless drug addict in NYC after about 6 days). If i stay in the States do I seriously continue being underpaid, overworked and being treated like scum by society and in return getting an Associates degree I might or might not be able to do nothing with?
Do i just start crying right now and book a ticket to Denver, CO and marry Ben and be his mum's lost daughter? ( Can I, please? ) Or do i get the fuck out of this country and never become Ina Eschenbach, PhD. ( Psychology ) , graduated from NYU in 2015.
I just presented the Miami idea to one of my dear friends Ana. god i'm screwed if she says yes.Where did my life go?? I'm opting to die my hair orange-y red just because it's the only "crazy" color I can do without losing my job. What the fuck? I used to do Mohawks and Pink colored hair. My grandma used to yell at me about how she loves my hair because she can't lose me in the crowd even though she can't see on one eye and the other one is down 75% ( i love my grams. she still drives. Stick, too. And flirts with Cruiseship guys. Best grandma in the world )
Can i please just run away? I don't want my Social Security Card or my New York State drivers license or a payment plan for college! I just want a drink and a man and maybe a show or two every now and then. I'll take the additional lesbian antic on that and a roadtrip if i can save some of the beer money. It's all I want.
Those lavish groupie moments I have peing with Agyness Den and yelling at Pirates and dancing on Dj Booth and drinking Scotch for free make me miss me old self so much. I'm still me ( just better, Vegan and more toned and i pretend I get slight tans during the summer ). right? Cause I don't know anymore. I really really don't.
Why exactly are there no sex colums/blogs/twittertits/livejournals/whateverthefuck written by men? I mean i'm pretty sure i've read all about sex with toothbrushes and life on bug infected mattresses by slutever. And i'm quite content with the way Cupcate and her Bitchbuzz website makes me feel about being a depressed, non-ambition-having slut who never knows what to write about but calls herself "a writer" and is constantly annoyed by the way people treat her. But in reality she loves it because it's all she can ever write about.
Now. Enough with the bitching. I'm seriously intruded by the thought that there are no, and i mean no, columns about Sex and it's curiosities written by men. I'm pretty sure there must be some whorefest anecdotes in some random gay dudes livejournals. But a real insight? Something that would speak openly about random acts of sluttyness, the insertion of several vibrating kitchen utensil into male anusses ( anus?plural? ) ?
None
Not that i'd know of anyway.
What does that mean? And why is that so?
Well firstly I think it means that women have become the sluts of our generation. whey! sexual revolution!
As i've been watching The Tudors religiously over the past for weeks ( I miss you, first Queen..or actually second. The slutty one. I don't remember your name but you rocked. ) I have come to the conclusion that men used to be the whores.
As The Tudors is currently my only form of self-education ( I've given up on getting books from the library. I never return them in time. And i mean never. Ever. It costs me horrendous amounts of money on late fees from which I could buy the real thing. But i don't work that way. If I had that money I would spend it on Starbucks. Or loose it in the streets. Or just hand it back to the friendly librarians at the Bedford Village library. ) well, where was I? Yes. The Tudors being my only form of education. I've learned several things from that show:
a) Men were whores in those days
b) Men were all secretly gay in those days
c) If a lady was a whore she'd get her head cut off.
Which i think can result in only two things : For the next six hundred years sluttery by women would be distinctly handled with pointing fingers and throwing rocks and also ( the inevitable ) men wouldn't stop whoring around.
Skip that to now. Everything i read that has anything remotely to do with sex on the internet ( apart from youporn.com and even there it seems Liz and Kelly are getting it on much more than Joe. ) is written by (yes! ) women!
How come if men are supposed to stick their dix where they can? I've come up with a simple train of thought so far: In order for all those manwhores to exist there has to be an equal amount of women atleast to participate in the whole stint ( Not that masturbating isn't fun. But it doesn't lead to whoredom ) .Because if the same guy has sex with the same girl all the tie we call that fuckbuddies ( or some refer to the term "relationship" . A concept i don't neccessarily grasp just yet ) ...Unless b) applies of course .
If you ( or me, in that case. What with all the time saving I do by not reading books these days ) think about it you actually need more women to be whores than men in order to keep the circle alive. If you have one manwhore you need atleast 50 women ( seperately or all at the same time. Comes down to the same. ) for that one guy to be considered a whore (that is because Whoredome rises potentially slower for men than for women for some reason. It's a mathematical mystery nobody has yet figured out.I'm on it. ) .
That's fifty women people. Fifty women who sleep with a random guy they can't know for too long or too well because hey, that dude is pretty busy banging all those female walking genitalia.
Fifty women promiscious enough to sleep with atleast one of those notorious Manwhores we all know atleast one of ( Hi John! ).
That's a whole lotta whores if you ask me. And i mean that in the most non-degrading way possible (I'm one of them ) .