2 posts tagged “bleurgh”
Today, after donating blood ( yes, i officialy booked my tickets to heaven.It was a megabus bargain but a ticket is a ticket. ) i went H&M shopping (bless our city owning four overall ) and wouldn't spend 7 bucks on this lurrrvely leopar belt, neither would i allow myself to spend 5 bucks on beautiful beautiful leopard gloves BUT i'd totally spend 70 bucks on a cheesy cheesy lurrrvely handbag with an electrocuted cat on it.
Oh yes would i!
What makes us girls such pussies when it comes to certain things?Seriously though, i'm the most male person you'll ever see when it comes to shoes and make up and all that girly shitjack but then you gimme a pin-striped handbag or a leopard patterned toothbrush-holder ( not even the brush itself, just the holder.If there is such thing, really ) and i get INSANE.
I hyperventilate, i pass out, i start crying, yell at random people to 'TAKE THEIR FUCKING HANDS OFF IT CAUSE IT'S MINE MINE MIIIIINE' even if they just looked at things.It's a whole Backstreet Boys reunion concert cenario.People get hurt, children get killed, soldiers crippled.
It's an entire rush, afterwars i feel like i had 6 bottles of clear vodka ( on ice, thanks ) , two ginger ale and probably six packages of beer ie i don't remember shit and i feel awful as hell for spending a hundred quid on a leopard patterned toilet paper.
But fret not, until the stage of awfulness hits in the world is mine, the karma is blanced out, Vietnam is free ( finally, the US couldn't do it.I certainly can.By buying pin-striped socks.) , all the kids in africa have pizza with sausages and extra cheese now and I finally own the piece that has left to complete my life.
Why is that tough?Why is a Lily Allen Vinyl Copy B-side thing making me orgasm or why am i getting the chills when i realize that i finally got that OHMYGOSHSOCUTE hello kitty chainholder on ebay?Or why am i becoming a fully loaded twat arsehole jerk about NEEDING ABSOLUTELY EVERYBODY TO SHUT THE FUCK UP when Gilmore Girls is on air?
It's a bit scary to be honest.A slightly bit too much at times, it seems.But then again, honestly, in a world where blokes intend on wearing Pink as a shirt color and borrowing my sparkly eyeliner ( i'm not talking about the fag who does my hair, i'm talking about the bloke who is supposedly enjoying my tits and shagging girls.Preferably the girl attached to the said tits. ) and trying to squeeze into jeans that perhaps ruin his chance to end up getting kids one day.
It's just not right and whenever i see one of those 20 year old boys with their girly hairdo and their gloves ( GLOVES NOW!COME ON! ) with their petite shirts and their waxed legs showing underneath their new mini skirts something inside me yells at me to GO BE A GIRL.
Cause honestly, i am and that's what girls are supposed to do..Unintentionally i am not psyched over shoes and the like cause overall i'm just not very girly and for some reason i feel like not a lot of girls are these days anymore.So i try to find my girly corners.My hide-aways from all those butch girls in their trainers and their messy, greasy hair ( one of them sits in myself, actually and comes out once in a while.Together with the fat little 7yr old boy inside me who demands chocolate all fucking day.What can ya do?Fat kids need to be fed ) and all those girly-boys who intentionally ( unlike me.ha! ) blurr the lines between girls and boys.
I mean c'mon not event he drag queens do that.
Even they seperate the boys and the girls inside them.Dress on = girl, Suit on = boy.
I'm not saying experimenting isn't a good thing and hey, Marlene Dietrich with her short short hair squeezed into her suit was fabulous in the 30ies but guys, give me a goddamn break!
I'm trying to wax my legs and somehow all i think is ' why bother, it's enough if ONE of us has smooth legs'
I just poured ALL my frickin' coffee ALL frickin' over me.I HATE TODAY.
Sports classes!What's the frickin' use of sports classes i ask you!Twenty frickin' minutes of running straight through.Tweeeeenty.
Did i give up?Did i not!
I concured.I ran.I faught.And what do i get? A frickin' C (like everybody else...apparently.Besides those obnixious sports crazy fuckers with their cute butts and their gym ID's.oh fuck them.yes frickin' fuck them! )
I HATE TODAY.
Today blows.Today sucks.Today just OWNS to become national 'this day sucks' - day.I do not like today.At the least bit.I despise it.With all the despite-ness my body and life have to reveal.
I hope today dies.In a very painful way.I'm thinking texas chainsaw massacre or Saw II kind of style if possible.Make it Dawn of the dead - like if you may but oh dear just die.die.die.. and never come back cause you really suck you stupid cunt of a day.
besides that my life is totally balanced.New feeling.Quite interesting.I'm all balance-y like those fancy tea things all those pseudo hippie - people tend to drink nowadays ( not today though )
...I am , in fact, a properly balanced mixture of rooibos-tea smelling like vanilla but really just tasting of hot water.Not that it's neccessarily right to pretend something is 'tea' even though it's just hot water boiled and smelling of something.
Seriously though.Chocolate flavoured ( and flavoured really is a misleading word here.It doesn't taste like chocolate.It just poisons the whole room with the smell of chocolate making all the fat kids craving their daily chocolate fest while the beholder of the tea cup is sitting -all balanced out- in their lotus position being...well,balanced to say the least.i hate those people.did i mention that yet?) rooibosh "tea" is just wrong.If y'wanna eat chocolate do the right thing and actually eat chocolate.
Don't be fucking twat and walk around making everybody else around you needing their chocolate fix.
It's not that hard, really!
'Tea' is brewed herbs, flowers, fruits or even spices but for god's sake ( and my weight, really ) it's just not fucking pretending to have a whole meal brewed out and taking it in a cup of tea.That's wrong, people!
