1 post tagged “greys anatomy”

i'm soaking wet.my arms feeling heavy and the sweat mingling with the pure clearity of the bright blue water around me clings to my body constantly.
There is nothing but me. I feel it. It's there and i can't grab it, can't describe it. It's me and it's not. I've got no control of this happening with me. The air around me is getting heavier and heavier. The deeper i sink the bigger loungs get filled with lost amounts of oxygen. It whidens my chest, blows it up like a big shiny balloon on a hot summer day out on the fare. I hear people screaming, they're dazed in the sunlight. I can tell they're shouting, fierce, loud, groans and shrieking noises. They resemble flashbacks, sound like i should know them but i don't. All i can sense and feel and take in is the ice cold water around me sliding through my skin and leaving me wounded like a rotten kind of animal.
Their voices are so far off i can barely tell if they are female or male.
I slowly feel my identity losing it's grip. With the air released by my loungs i feel like my sexuality is floating away too. It's getting ripped out of my breasts and my corpse. There is no sign of an uterus in me anymore. No vague description of any girl inside my bones. If they find me they might just never know i was a ever anything but a person.
I'm beautiful and I know it.
It's the breasts and the way i tend to walk in high shoes, it's my big hips signalising you that i'm ready to bear your babies. I've got the cutest nose aswell, tiny eyes but my big red lips make up for that and if i add enough classic eyeliner onto them you won't give a damn dare. I've got the biggest, shiniest hair with womanly curls in it if i want to. My skin is clear and paler than the moon.
I'm beautiful and i know that you know.
Right now for the first time in my life ever it does not matter. The volumes and masses of my body aren't in any way clear anymore. With my body drowning to the ground it is only one big mass of clothing and skin. You can't tell wether it's my neck or feet right now. If i'm upright or floating down with my head first.
I'm floating - i'm free. Sexuality doesn't mean a damn thing when you die. It's you and the elements fighting. It always is the elements fighting. Right now it's air versus water. Sometimes it's fire against water&air, maybe. With the fire usually winning over and burning you right out. Often it's just pure, clear gravitiy and the blood streaming out of your veins disturbing whatever it was you are leaving the people behind.
I'm soaking wet, my big hoodies fabric is feeling like savory right now. I knew the fiveteen bucks would be worth it. My heavy jeans are being a blessing and i'm glad i didn't wear the light skirt i inteded to wear earlier this morning.
The pressure is getting heavy - I breath in, feel my pulse getting heavier. The water is taking over. The hearbeat stars screaming. It's beating like an early Distillers song. So far off from a real beat it's quite a pleasure to listen to it. And it's all i can hear. It's me, it's my blood. It's all there is to me now.