16 posts tagged “qotd”

If you knew you had one week to live, what would you do, where would you go, who would you see? 
Submitted by normatheartist

I'd go to the only place I feel ultimately like myself and save, most of all. That is Camden and probably will always be. it'S weird but with all this death around me during the couple of weeks the thought of suicide has naturally ( as in "very common for my own nature" ) catched and injected my mind throughout sleepless, worried nights. It's a different kind of wanting to escape - feeling then it was when  I was 14, self-harming myself and just wanting to end it all cause that one guy wouldn't date me... or well, cause I had just been beaten up.
It's different because I am different today and it's the same cause it's still me stuck in myself. So yeah, the though of leaving this body and self and world has come to  mind lately too often to count and of course, has always been a part of my thoughts since I was about 8.

I would spend monday morning with my grandma, driving over to her house at 12 in the morning, go to the lovely fish restaurant 45 minutes outside of town where we always go to and my grand-grandma has had dinners even.We'd go visit her and my grand-grandpa's grave and my grams  husbands grave , we'd talk and joke and have cake and whip cream with it like we always do.

The rest of the week I guess I'd spend in Camden purely by myself at nights. I haven't really felt alive a lot during my life but the last time I remember feeling life flooding my veins was in january. Holly and the black guy who shared rooms with us were just heading inside again and I wanted to stay outside a little more which left me and just me in my PJ's on a little set of stone staircases with a bit of cheap beer. I had my hoodie up and Holly's hug still lingering on me and just felt good.
It smelled like life should all the time and the cold air whidened my senses to an extend I couldn't quite understand but appreciated so much in that moment. I think that was the first birthday I ever felt like celebrating my life.

So yeah, I'd go there and drink beer and just sit on those stairs night after night,  I guess.

What's that secret dream job you've always believed you'd be good at, but never gone for? 
Submitted by wedgeh.

I never never never never never never never want to be able to answer that question.ever.ever.ever.

What were you doing one year ago today?
Submitted by CassandraMorgan.

studying.

ha.this is a fucking joke.

What's the best way to get on your good side?
Submitted by Manon-It-All.

This must sound extremly rubbish but effort is a good thing to get on my good side, really. It takes aaages until i'm showing my nice persona. Obviously it depends, i'm generaly friendly towards old ladies and un-sucky kids. Everything in between needs to show me some to get some.
It's stupid and i probably should be more open but if there's a bloke eyeing me out in the club coming over dropping some shit line he has dropped a million times before i'm just not wetting my panties. Neither am i going to be crawling up your ass just cause i'm the new kid in class or because you're my supposed boss. That's just not happening somehow. As said, it's stupid and does get me in loads and loads of trouble every now and then. I also assume i'm missing out a lot. There's probably a hell load of people who wanted to get to know me ( ...as in really know me.Not just bum me. ) and i just didn't think they were fitting. Most likely because i'm an insecure little shithead who thinks she's never enough. Probably because i was drunk most of my teenage time.
Who knowssss...

Have you ever met any celebrities? Any interesting stories?
Submitted by Tasha.

I once met Pete Doherty. yeeeeah, cool huh?

Today, ladies and gents a new era is dawning : No more exams. Yes please. Yes indeed. Yes it's here. For atleast three weeks there won't be any shit exams or presentations or whatever the fuck else for me.

This indeed is a new era. I wonder how i'm going to survive those weeks. I really wonder. No more pressure. No more nothing. Just me and my bed and sleep. Loads of it. Plenty of it. Oh the pleasure. Life is wonderful. Birds are singing and trees are greener than green ( in the middle of january. take that! )

Gotcha with the title, didn't I.

What do you do to ensure you get a good night's sleep?
Submitted by Jacob's Ladder.

The sound of london outside the window and holly breathing close besides is quite a good deal to get me sleeping sweet and sound, really.

The question i'm asking myself lately, sometimes and more often seems to be : What is wrong with girls these days?
More particulary "what is wrong with female writers these days?"

First of all, i don't particularly consider myself a writer. Not the least bit, i've got plenty of teenage angst poetry locked in my dirty little placebo-loving heart and a half-way finished attempt to write a novel, thousands of Buffy the Vampire Slayer fanfiction ( including a three hundred pages story about the most lovely scenario a Buffy fan could imagine - written when i was 15 ) but that's basically it. I do know that i can put things well if i try hard enough and yes, i'm quite good with making a lot of lovely words sound like they mean something.

Yet, i still start smiling like a complete fool when somebody I don't know calls me a "writer". To me, that's something i can't even grasp. I can't inhale it or take it inside my hands. However, i know i can feel it inside me. It's there. It's words. They're floating around inside me, making me breath hard and shiver, they make me feel like i can't be anything else than whatever is going to happen to me. Whatever is going to turn out that "me" is.

Comments like that, or random conversations with people in London town on a Sunday night in the cold, sitting in my pj's with a random black boy in front of me and more importantly Holly next to me who inhales her cigarette and then says something like "nah you're more like poetrist, aren't cha." and then grins whidely at me make me still feel vulnerable. Situations like that make me wanna shut people up and cover their mouths because it feels so right.

All i wanna do in such situations is to say "I know." , and then giggle very slightly and look cute and ashamed, tucking my head inbetween my shoulders while i cover my smile with my hands.

However, i can't. Instead i say "I'm not! Really." and then fade away into nothingness or change the subject. And i do wonder why that is the case sometimes. And other times i don't. Because somehow it's kind of obvious. Whenever in my life i have spoken out what i desire somebody broke it for me.
It's a silly kind of thing to do, not doing things wildly and out and about and there and right now and here. It's even more silly not to do these things in  a very open and blunt way for the simple reason which is fear. It's the fear of loss, mostly. A combined mixture, more complex than that and yet, i can be narrowed to just that in some ways.
 
It's the fear of losing my one love.

I think every single one of us has experienced ( or will experience someday ) the one loss. I'm not saying it's something very common, or even moreso "average". Because it's the exact opposite. If one thing in life is not common and not happening to every other person then it's the loss of the one. I do hope that we all know that this one loss can happen in so many ways, sometimes even more of then just 'once' .A million times, maybe. Sometimes a breaking heart feels like losing a million people at a time. And sometimes looking back at all the million people we have lost in our young lifes feels like being heartbroken.

I've lost so many. To start counting would, well, let's not use 'pointless' , but it would be quite a long list right here. There are deeper ways of loss than your first boyfriend or girlfriend but sometimes that just wounds you the most.

So yeah. It's not average. It's like rock 'n' roll songs if you want to. Millions of millions stories. Thousands and thousands of rock songs. They're all the same if you want.And they're not. Think of rock songs as love stories. Too complex to ever inhale and yet, so very many you can barely inhale the amount either. You can't grasp it. Neither the individual song entirely nor the whole amount of them floating around.

You lose. After all, that's pretty much what you do all day and all life.

So i come to those girl writers. Those women out there. They're what people call "fabulous", they write in caps all the time and go out and scream "I'm a writer!" and yell around and blog about things and stories and life and whatever their muse seems to take to them. Somehow they cram every little potential writing flavour that could possibly come out of their life into their stories and writings.
Oh how i would love to be able to do that. How i would appreciate my body and mind being capable of grasping the whole spectrum that is what people call 'writing'. But how could i? How could i declare myself as a 'writer' ? Do i know what that is even? Do i know what it takes to be one?
I don't.

I clearly don't. And that's just fine. It's inside me. I think so , honestly. There's something. Some gross little dogma inside me, it's not yelling or writing in caps or making me bow down to this whole decleration of "Being a writer". It's there. It's okay. I'll find my way around. Somehow. I'll push it and drag it and pull it.

But somehow i have a feeling i won't need to get a blog for this yelling about things or handing out fashion tips or how to blog or my own life. That's okay, don't get me wrong. I love blogging about my shoes and love life and whatever else that comes to my mind. It's fun to put it into a form that appeals people and makes them like me and what i write. It's really nice to keep control. To be in charge.

But is this what writing is about? To me it feels like not being in charge. It feels like losing control. Complete and entire loss of everything.

Would you rather go back in time or visit the future?
Submitted by Auds.

I'd love to go back into the 50ies
..i know that everybody flies high on the whole polka dot stuff these days and thinks elvis presley is 'OH K SO KEWZL' but really i admire that era.

It's had it's flaws and stuff but honestly, atleast there was something to fight against back in those days. May it be against racism or for female equality.

There was something you could do, get active. It wasn't  leaders of countries trying to get their hands on oil.

It feels more simple, less chaotic and cramped. I mean i'd take away the pointy bras but except that i'm all for it. I'd love to have my Johnny and be a Judy or a Mary-Anne.

It feels very romantic reading about the 1950ies, things that aren't in Grease or junk like that ( although.I do love Grease.do not question. ) or listening to old 7" inches of Leslie Gore or Paul Anka, the Surpremes or  even Paul&Paula if you must.

To be honest i don't even want to know where we are heading.It's either going to all go to hell in a bit or we gonna turn around and stop all that sick shit we're doing. And somehow i can't imagine the letter. I wonder why.

Who would you like to kiss under the mistletoe?
Submitted by EmmyAngua.

Somebody sweet.And delicate.And rough.None in particular. [ that's such a lie ]

I'm constantly running.
From you, from me.From everything.From the past right into what i shouldn't forget and things i shouldn't do.I'm making a mess out of myself.I'm acting like i knew it all better back then when all of what i had got lost and trembled and quickly faded into space and died without a sound.
There are ghosts.Inside me.Surrounding me.They're what i am and what i shouldn't be.And all you ever tell me is to keep my head on my shoulders and my back upright and my tits on the front and my fists oh so ready to fight.
The truth isthat i don't even care.The truth is that i always cared too much.Losing and fighting and creeping out of the dust.And back again tossed by your trust.One i couldn't keep up.
You put your hopes in me, like a black black deep deep hole you suck me right under your sold out habits and the ways you have long long lost.
& the truth is that i miss myself like this.The truth is i never cared enough.
If there's something inside me worthy of living on you should have carried me through.The truth is you don't even know

I Love Rock and Roll

uh yeah.I love rock 'n' roll.
I'm in such a weird weird mood. Intrigue & Love, here i come.Besides, isn't it funny that this lovely piece of *cough* shitonfuckingtoast *coughcough* literature is oh so important for us german kids and while we spend hours and hours wondering what it's about and how Schiller did this and that and smooched up with those and these under mistletoes.. there's actually no way you could get it off amazon.com [ that's the US version of 'literature'. wankers. ]

That same 'ole  same 'ole song, baby.

QotD:
Show us the person who knows you best.

'Oley

<-- hawkedriot

yesyes.that's her.she's quite hot isn't she.i know how to pick cool people hehe she knows quite big parts of me.all the shit parts mostly.most of the good ones as far as i have some aswell.she's precious.

& that's the girl who used to know me best..her name's manu.i used to love her.and she loved me back.it's been a while.we hurt each other lots.but yeah she knew me.

Looking at both the pictures holly and her have the same kind of attitude, don't they! hehe just kidding.

i wish i could find a picture of Diana.she used to know great bits of me aswell.Back when i was so young i didn't even barely know who 'me' was.. i think she defined what i understand as 'love' today.We were friends...and even though i can't really imagine being with a chick again i think Diana defined great deals of what is me today back then.In a way that isn't just friendship but goes further.I think back then i'd have given my life for her.Or so it felt atleast..With all her crazy loveness.

i'm glad they have been ( or are ) here.with me.and stuff.i'm such a pussy.

What song best describes your current mood?
Submitted by Section31.

05 - Peaches - Downtown